


First Kiss, To Face The New Year

by Def1ance



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco, The Like (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Smut, Love, Love Confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:42:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26231362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Def1ance/pseuds/Def1ance
Summary: Ryan Ross and Z Berg are best friends, they broke up after Ryan went on hiatus with his band The Young Veins, Z keeps her feelings in and so does Ryan, the inevitable truth comes out 8 years later on Christmas
Relationships: Dan Keyes/Ryan Ross, Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie, Sarah Orzechowski/Brendon Urie, Z Berg & Charlotte Froom, Z Berg & Ryan Ross, Z Berg/Dan Keyes/Ryan Ross, Z Berg/Laena Geronimo/Annie Monroe/Tennessee Thomas, Z Berg/Langely Fox Hemingway, Z Berg/Ryan Ross, Z Berg/Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie, Z Berg/Ryan Ross/Jon Walker, Z Berg/Ryan Ross/Tennessee Thomas, Z Berg/Sarah Orzechowski
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	1. Baby, Its Cold Outside.

**Author's Note:**

> I am feeling EMOTIONS.

**_"The worst is just around the bend, and does he notice my feelings for him? And will he see, how much he means to me?_ **  
**_I think it's not to be, what will become of my dear friend?"_ **  
_~Sally's Song_

The soft blue color of the quills ink leaves a sweet curve on the paper as Ryan writes with such meaning,

_'Now that you left my mind is all messed up..._  
_I am the dice you roll'_

He writes and smiles at fond memories, thoughts of Z and all of his exes fly by,  
"Time flies" he says looking at Dottie on the floor whose head is now tilted in her paws as she looks up,

Ryan glances back to the paper and slouches in his seat, and looks at his guitar that he got matching with Zs, he smiles  
"What a shame I cant see her, shes my dude, you know Dots?" he looked back at Dottie on the floor and she crossed her paws,  
"That's my girl." He says reaching down petting behind her ear, "Thanks for keeping me safe, I havent even been able to see Dan in like three months, I bet you miss him too babe" he frowns a bit "soon baby" he promises to the understanding dog as she opens her mouth to howl a small bit to cheer Ryan up.

Ryan ran his hair through his long brown hair, it was to his shoulders now, he felt himself in his new haircut, he felt like it showed him as a person.

He picked up his phone and texted Z 'hey hon, I miss you, like a lot, when will I see you again, dottie and elwood miss you too,' he typed with tears in his eyes,  
Being away from people never really did anything to him other than in that moment, he just felt like crying,  
Already December and he couldn't see them, he had his tree set up and everything.  
He sighed an looked at his front room remembering shooting the bad list and completely broke down.

"Cmere Dottie, papa needs you right now." He said calling her over to the couch he had right in front of his tree and wrapped his blanket around him as the a christmas record spun behind him, letting the tears flow out onto Dotties black back and giving her the occasional scratch.

He opened up his phone being left on read by Z, "For fucks sake I need someone right now" he said almost physically feeling his heart break trying to assure himself it was just the holiday blues but feeling a feeling of discontentment.

Ryan looked around the room he was in and spotted his mirror, seeing how torn up he looked "god I look horrible." Tears streaming from his eyes with a dripping red nose and a permanent frown, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked closer.

He picked up the heavy dog and went into his room thinking to himself 'I'll feel better tomorrow.'

Ryan wakes up and hears the soft sound of sweet violin running thickly through his ears, he nows Z was here and he smiled excitedly hopping out of bed almost immediately.

Ryan pulled on his favorite pants with a red marks down the side and a cream colored soft wool shirt to help the cold and he smells a soft scent of coffee and his fireplace along with seeing the warm glow from candles  
"Z!"  
He excitedly exclaims in a chipper voice which was new for him, nobody really ever heard him in anything but a monotonous bored sounding voice, he was full of emotion but never could express it vocally.

He ran over to her and picked her up happily kissing her cheek as she wrapped her legs around his waist kissing his nose,  
They weren't dating they were just physically expressive, it made their bond far stronger.

Z grabbed his face by the cheeks softly angling his jaw up to see her face and looked into his eyes "I missed you RyRo, I'm sorry I didnt respond last night, I was getting my house decked out for Christmas, I wore your favorite dress of mine and lipstick to make up for it." She grinned softly with a friendly flirtatious giggle.

"Your hair looks so pretty like that Z!" he looked in awe of her beauty, and was snapped out of his trance of a sort as she spoke "Thanks babe, I missed the curls so I brought 'em back, I can see you like them too hon." She smiled showing her white teeth, the way it contrasted with the deep brown and rose colored lip stick that Ryan adored, he said it 'made her look like a princess'.

They were lounging on his sofa together watching the bright projector light up the beige wall and the warmth from their conjoined heat, their limbs were entangled underneath Ryan's deep brown and red blanket. Ryan watched 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' every Christmas with Z, they weren't Christian, they just enjoyed having a reason to snuggle up together and sing with eachother, share sadness and grief, exchange gifts, kiss under the mistletoe that Z frequently hung up along hers and Ryan's houses just for an excuse to give him a kiss every now and then, of course Ryan never minded a kiss it was adorable to him watching Z confidently lean in and watching her eyes glitter in excitement because of physical contact.

She in no way liked Ryan in a significant other way.. or so others thought, she loved him dearly, they were each others people, Z would do whatever it took to spend more time with Ryan. Soon Ryan got snapped out of his thoughts as he heard soft singing coming from Z on top of his chest,  
**_"I sense there's something in the wind.."_**  
Z sung along with Sally singing in the film, he smiled in admiration of her.

He relaxed and ran his fingers through Z's hair, as he felt the soft beat of her heart against his stomach, "I can feel your heartbeat Z, it's very soft, I want to stay like this." He said during the interlude of her singing and watched her doll like eyes stare up at him, "Are you quoting my music or being serious?" She questioned with a small breathy laugh and a uncontrollable smile.

"Oh, I didnt even realize what I did there..." He laughed along,  
"But I'm being serious, this is the safest I felt since I was with, um, thou who shan't be named.." He said nervously biting his lip thinking shallowly into his time with Helena.

"I really wish we could have worked it out" she sighed and teared up. Continuing the song _**"What will become of my dear friend?**_  
_**Where will his actions lead us then?**_ " Softly curling her head into Ryan's upper neck giving him a small pang in the heart as he rubbed his hand slowly up and down her back in soothing repetitive motions and listened to her voice clearly singing the lyrics as if they were her own to Ryan.

 _ **"Try as I may, it doesn't last. And will we ever, End up together?**_ " She sung her voice wavering as her cries softly neglected parts of her voice when she ended with a small voice-  
_**"No... I think not...**_  
_**It's never to become, for I am not the one"**_  
Ryan held the back of her head close to his own chest shushing her cries in reassurance "sh, it's alright honey, it just wasn't meant for us baby, I love you..." he tried to help her calm down as the movie rolled on without a care.

Ryan felt her tears on his neck and his own mixed in. "Why cant we try again, nobody has to know, Ryan, just one more chance, I was the worst girlfriend I just- I." She paused and shook her head getting up and getting the sneakers she was wearing, forgetting her cardigan.

Ryan burst out in a heavy sob as he watched her leave, he didnt protest, she needed time... He thought for a few seconds and got out seeing the snow fall delicately onto her head and eyelashes making her pale complexion more breathtaking than before, watching the cold smoke rushing out of her mouth as she shivered and her cheeks and nose went red from the cold air exposure, she hugged her body as she exited the doorway not noticing Ryan. If it were a degree colder then her tears would be frozen, but a steam still accompanied her new tears as they were the only warmth the frost could pick on.

Ryan jogged over to her in protest "Z, please wait-" He begged as he grabbed her delicate skin with caution, she looked so fragile that even a word might break her, Z wasn't one to be this vulnerable ever. She turned around with puffy eyes and a bright red nose, shocked as Ryan pulled her in for a passionate kiss, his warmth made her feel safe. Her chapped red fingers found their place along Ryan's neck, wrapping up around his grown out hair remembering exactly where the blonde highlights were even with her eyes closed.

Soon enough Ryan was mothering her into the warmth of the house, handing her his favorite blazer looking jacket, it was a blue color with fur, his favorite jacket he had owned, it was so comfortable and it made him feel safe. Z snuggled into the jacket which draped over her dainty fraile frame as she sat by the fire with Elwood snuggled into her with a cup of tea and reading glasses to help her see the book she was reading, some Stephen King book that she found on Ryan's shelf, the glasses thin frame accentuated her soft freckles cluttered in her cheeks and nose at the base and showing off her almost black coffee looking eyes lit up by the glow of the fire giving them an amber beauty to them.  
All Ryan could do was stare, he was just star stuck by how she was stuck on him, in his eyes he was just some older guy who was a washed up teen idol, he was nothing, and in front of him he had a doll, a woman so beautiful she could have anyone she wanted, and she wanted him... the man whose hair is "too girly and long" to most girls, "too soft," "fruity looking," "disgusting" "okay looking," so many different things that people have called him and a girl sitting in front of him recovering from a love confession after 8 years of being broken up, he felt so dumb for ever letting her go. "Z..." Her head perked up as her finger marked the word in which was last read and she hummed a 'mhmm' to which Ryan responded "I love you, I really dont deserve you... You're the best thing that happened to me and yet I let you slip through my fingers, from our young adulthood to now, we have been stuck together for years, I just want to know- Why me? You could have any man begging for you in seconds and yet, here you are, back here, in my little cave, snuggling with my gigantic dog while reading one of my stupid books drinking some nasty organic tea that probably tastes like shit," he laughs "you can have anything- you could be ruling the world yet you're with me, next to my fireplace where we have fought, made love, watched movies on cold nights, shared memories, laughed and cried, shared kisses... reading a book calmly, looking gorgeous as ever, with a floppy hound on your lap, probably drooling on your dress actually-" He grinned, Z cracked one of her cute smiles and said, "Well you're one of the only people I know, I've done everything with you, I've gone to Disneyland, travelled America, cried, laughed, made friends, spent months, been on tour, we have done everything, its remarkable how I can adore you so much, it's crazy how I've been feeling so much love for just you, I've never felt this comfortable and safe with well- anyone... Plus you're the easiest person to talk to like ever," she chuckles. "I love you Ross," she smirked, "I love you too Berg," he got up and gave her a loving kiss, a new fire burning in his stomach every second of it with the feeling if his cheeks blushing over, feeling like the first kiss all over again.


	2. She-Loves-Me, She-Loves-Me-Not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw// mentions of abusive relationships

Ryan awoke with Z in his arms, he kissed her forehead and looked at her face as it was relaxed and peaceful, he fumbled out of the covers they shared, and got up careful not to wake her. 

He padded up his few steps fumbling throughout the house trying to find his kitchen as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes as his large feet made loud a 'thump' on the curved interance to his kitchen as he winced and practically growled back a scream.   
"Fuck!"  
He whisper yelled into the music filled house as he forgot to turn his radio off, 

Soft jazz filling his house along with the smell of many candles to block out the smell of dusty old taxidermy on his walls. 

He looked down to his now bleeding foot as he limped over to one of the drawers in his kitchen where he kept his first aid kit; Reaching in to grab a bandaid and neosporin. 

Once done he washed his hand and attempted to put weight on his now swollen foot "god damn it Ross," he said to himself in a low whisper. 

He grabbed out a frying pan and some eggs from his fridge and a package of half used bacon and turned the setting on his stove to high, waiting for the flames to rise and grabbed some butter. Cracking the eggs on the left side and preparing the bacon on right, four pieces of bacon two for him to for Z, same with the eggs but he made those scrambled. 

While those were heating up he grabbed his kettle and heated some water for the homemade tea packets he had, prepping sliced lemon and local honey that he recently found out. To be fair he didnt know they had local honey especially in LA. 

He flipped the food over and headed to his room to see if Elwood was laying down in there, and there he was, sure as day clumsily flopped on Ryan's bed, Ryan chuckles as the dog snores. Ryan turns his head as he hears a soft patter of feet behind him accompanied by a yawn, he saw Z with a sleeping Dottie placed on her chest cradling her. 

"Aw, there are my girls." He said walking closer to Z as she rubbed her eyes.  
"Mornin'." She smiled lazily. "He's loud," she said lazily pointing to Elwood as he growled barked and ran in his sleep. "Welcome to my world." Ryan chuckled. "Shit theres food on the stove!" he said as he bolted out of the room and to the kitchen, luckily the food hadn't burnt, he turned the burner off and grabbed the pan placing it on a cooler platform grabbing a few plates and distributing the food equally. 

He places the plates down on the small table he had, hearing the kettle whistle in the air and pulling it off alongside turning the burner off and grabbing mugs and the tea packets, pouring the water into the cups adding equal amounts of honey to lemon and stirring them to blend in and placing the packets of tea in and taking them to the table, seeing Z sat down with a messy bun with her old makeup washed off and in his favorite striped toned red and white button down that fans called 'The Bacon Shirt', he chuckled, "You look cute." He said to her as she blinked herself back into consciousness "Thanks babe, this shirt is so comfortable where did you even get it?" She asked batting her eyelashes as she dazed off into the white brick walls of his kitchen "No idea, I dunno I just found one in my drawer and I was like 'hey, this is kinda neat' and now it's my favorite shirt." He said as he set the teacup down in front of Z, "Oh, I'm sorry, um, I didnt know this was your favorite shirt... I can take it off if you want?" She said, Ryan paused to chuckle deeply "Hmm, I'd like the taking shirt off part but not because it's my favorite, you look cute in it, keep it on." He smiled biting his lip slightly ad a cute giggle came from Z "Why, how gentleman-ly of you sir." She smiled, top lip over lapping bottom to stop herself from laughing once more. 

Time passed and they found themselves on Ryan's bed, him playing Legend Of Zelda, her scrolling on Instagram with the dogs scattered out on the bed,  
Ryan was in just his underwear and some glasses and Z was pantsless and in Ryan's favorite shirt. She flicked off the phone and rested her head in Ryan's lap as his legs were criss-crossed, "Ya sleepy?" He asked stroking her face softly with his newly freed hand, "Yea," she said tiredly burying her head into his stomach and crawled her way fully on top of Ryan finding a comfortable place on him latching herself onto him like a tiny koala. 

"We can take a nap if you want, or something else, its up to you.." She groaned softly as she buried her head in his neck and shifted comfortably, her muffled voice said "Jus' wanna schlep'" she said with a funny tone, a laugh came from Ryan "You 'seepy' baby?"  
Z smiled into his neck and gave him a small kiss near his jugular and sucked a small bit leaving a light violet mark on his neck "Shut the fuck up and set the controller down and cuddle me n' Dottie."  
"I'd be glad to do so.." he smiled and shut the TV off setting the controller down next to the night stand and took his glasses off, hesitating to stretch so he wouldn't disrupt Z and Dottie. 

Ryan finally moved onto his side, leaving an array of soft kisses over the womans rested sleeping face, "g'night beautiful, see you in the morning." He said softly as he laid his head down beside her. 

Ryan woke up in a cold sweat alone, with the dogs, looking up from the bed in a sweaty sleepy haze with a throbbing headache, seeing lipstick and mascara smears on his pillow, he saw the shirt she was wearing on the floor and frilly socks leading to the bathroom and a soft siren call as he likes to imagine coming from the bathroom.  
He got up venturing out careful not to wake the hounds or hell would break loose, "Z?" He said peering into the bathroom only to see her on the floor of the shower letting seemingly boiling water pour over her shaking body. 

"Honey are you alright? What's wrong? Bad dream? Please say something..." he prodded at her and she looked up blankly at him with her infamous doll eyes, soft blinks as water fell down her body dripping off her lashes, neatly landing on her cheeks, "I'm okay." She says, her eyes starting to droop with tiredness and a groggy croak in her voice. 

"Let's get you out of here," Ryan said stopping the water and picking her curled body up, she was dripping with boiling water, a few blisters forming, "Elizabeth, what the fuck?" He said lightly caressing one on her shoulder, "tell me what is going on with you, Elizabeth you're not okay." He said wincing as he watched the blister start to deepen in color, "God just leave me alone right now Ryan. Put me down, I'm going home, I have shit to do." She said squirming from his grasp and grabbing a towel wrapping it around her measly, hunched body and picking up her old clothes from the floor and putting them back on, the strappy dress didnt look so good with the blisters rising on her back but she didnt look well in general. 

Ryan grabbed her wrists, "you need to get better, cancel your plans, stay with me, I'll help you, I'll be your caretaker until all of this-" he said pausing to brush her dark under eyes, defined bones and bruising "Is gone, where did these come from Z?" He said picking up her wrists seeing thick dark purple marks wrapped around her wrists and furrowing his brows, he felt his jaw drop, "Z did you leave sometime today? These weren't fucking here earlier." She groaned "Ryan let me leave!" She demanded pushing him away and covering her body in shame, "Dont hide it, I already see what's happening, who are you with? Do you not love me? Am I just nothing to you? I thought you wanted me again?" She paused staring at him blankly "Its funny how you always manage to make fucking everything about you George, this isnt about you, this is me, not you, Im telling you. You to let me go!" She paused, she had gotten weaker but still tried to break his tough grasp. "You weren't supposed to wake up, this is all my responsibility, I'm now not ASKING to leave I AM leaving and that is for fucking certain, I cant stand you sometimes Ross." She barked out, breaking free at last, she saved any more malice she had and left, leaving Ryan feeling alone and once again...  
Empty.


End file.
